Friday, June 29, 2007

Health food? Not this stuff

WASHINGTON - A popular snack food sold nationwide is being recalled because of concerns about contamination.All lots and sizes of Veggie Booty Snack Food are being recalled, the company said, following a report of 51 cases of salmonella poisoning that may be associated with the product.Veggie Booty Snack Food is sold in supermarkets, health food stores, vending machines and online in the United States and Canada.

Tried it once. Tastes like...

(1) ass
(2) shit
(3) pirate
(4) other

Please pick your favorite. Me? I'm gonna have a Royale...with cheese.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Cameron Diaz, political mastermind?

AGUAS CALIENTES, Peru (AP) — Actress Cameron Diaz appears to have committed a major fashion faux pas in Peru. The voice of Princess Fiona in the animated "Shrek" films may have inadvertently offended Peruvians who suffered decades of violence from a Maoist guerrilla insurgency by touring here Friday with a bag emblazoned with one of Mao Zedong's favorite political slogans. Diaz wore over her shoulder an olive green messenger bag emblazoned with a red star and the words "Serve the People" printed in Chinese on the flap, perhaps Chinese Communist leader Mao's most famous political slogan.

Is it me (of course not) or does the entire world need a good dose of shut the hell up? I'm sure Cameron Diaz is fluent in written Chinese and knew exacttly what was written on her purse. And of course she is so well versed in world history that she knew that there had been a Chinese insrgency in a a South American country. And of course in her cold, calculating way, she found that particular handbag and chose it, above all others, to wear in order to inflame the sensibilities of a foreign country she was touring. Brilliant!! Her evil plan suceeded!!!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Damn, now everyone will be doing it

"You are not going to believe this," said a 911 caller to the Michigan State Police, reporting that "there is a semi pushing a guy in a wheelchair on Red Arrow Highway" in Paw Paw, Mich. Sure enough, responding troopers found that a truck driver had hit a man in a wheelchair; the handles on his chair got stuck in his front grille. The driver, completely unaware of the man stuck to the front of his truck, drove about two miles at up to 50 mph before reaching his destination. Ben Carpenter, 21, who was seat-belted to his chair, was not only not injured, he found the experience downright fun. "It was like a ride at a fair," Carpenter said later. (South Bend Tribune.
Glad the guy was OK. The miraculous thing was he didn't mention a lawsuit.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Welcome to the beginning of the End

OK what else needs be said? We are on our final descent into a a third world, second rate shit hole. Don't believe me? Take a look around, Jack. Prices are going up. Majorly. Like they did under Carter. Remember? Double digit inflation and home loans? Tripling gas prices? And it was all our fault, according to him and his party! And it's not just gas but everything else too, because of gas. Why? Ethanol. Algore and these other stupid eco freaks thought, Golly, what a great idea! We'll grow our own gas! And what will we use? Not soybeans (which convert easily to use in diesel engines with very little processing) Not sugar beets (which yield the highest sugars for alcohol conversion) Not switch grass (which grows anywhere, has high yield and isn't a food staple!) Lets use CORN! It makes a cute little visual doesn't it? Everyone loves corn! That's the problem, IT'S A FOOD STAPLE YOU IDIOTS! What the hell were you thinking? We EAT corn. And not just as a veggie. Cereal. High fructose corn syrup. Snack foods. Corn for tortillas is in short supply causing problems south of the border already. Corn feeds the livestock we eat. So where do the prices go? Damn betcha. But it gets even more stupid. Corn is hard on farmland requiring lots of water and fertilizer chemicals to grow. Corn is one of the most inefficient sources for making ethanol with the highest cost of production. Any hillbilly moonshiner could tell you that. Then why corn? Politics and money. Call your congress critter and tell them to look for alternatives to corn. Renewable energy doesn't have to be expensive or painful. Why do we have to sacrifice when there's no need? The energy is there. Just get government and the self-loathing eco nuts out of the way so we can get it.